A Weekly Care Schedule Siblings Will Actually Keep

List every recurring job, big and small#

Before anyone can split the work, everyone needs to see it. Start with a plain list of what Mom needs each week. Include the small stuff. Small jobs add up, and they are the ones that go unseen.

This step matters. The Family Caregiver Alliance says sibling discord most often comes from an unequal division of caregiving duties. A written list lets you see the load before anyone argues about it.

Your list might include:

• Grocery shopping and putting groceries away
• Cooking, or dropping off meals
• Cleaning and laundry
• Rides to appointments
• Phone check-ins
• Making and tracking appointments on the shared calendar
• Trash day, mail and yard work
• Time together that is just a visit

Write each job on its own line. Don't decide who does what yet.

Size each job: time, timing and travel#

Give every job three quick notes:

• Time: about how long it takes in a normal week.
• Timing: is it fixed (a set appointment) or flexible (any evening works)?
• Travel: does someone need to be there in person, or can it be done by phone or online?

Distance is part of the picture. The National Institute on Aging suggests asking who lives close enough to help with day-to-day tasks such as grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning.

Distance doesn't rule anyone out, though. Some jobs, like phone check-ins or keeping the calendar, can be done from anywhere. For siblings who live far away, the NIA advises deciding on your top priorities, which may mean saving other tasks for a future visit.

Match jobs to people, not equal shares#

Equal shares sound fair, but they rarely are. An hour on a weekday afternoon costs a sibling with flexible hours very little. It can cost a sibling with a full-time job and young kids a great deal.

The Family Caregiver Alliance suggests dividing tasks according to individual abilities, current life pressures and personal freedoms. The NIA adds that, ideally, each person can take on the tasks best suited to their skills and interests.

This is how many families end up working. According to the Family Caregiver Alliance, many successful caregiving families divide responsibilities by individual preferences and capacity.

Two habits help:

• Ask directly, with a list. The Family Caregiver Alliance says siblings may be willing, even relieved, to be given a list of tasks.
• Say thank you. The Family Caregiver Alliance recommends expressing appreciation for the help each person is able to give.

A sample week for three siblings#

This is a made-up example to show the method, not a rule. Say Sibling A lives ten minutes from Mom and has flexible hours. Sibling B lives 45 minutes away, works full time and has young kids. Sibling C lives out of state.

Job	Who	Why
Weekly grocery order, placed online	C	Can be done from anywhere
Putting groceries away, quick look around	A	Close by, flexible weekday time
Rides to appointments	A	Mostly weekday daytime
Sunday dinner and a bit of cleaning	B	A fixed weekend slot that fits the family
Phone calls Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings	C	Needs no travel
Shared calendar and booking appointments	C	Phone and online work
Trash day and mail, Thursday	B or A, alternating	Small job, so it rotates

In this example A carries the most hours. That is where a plan can quietly go wrong, so build in relief from the start. The NIA suggests that a long-distance sibling travel to stay with the older person for a few days so the primary caregiver can take a vacation or have some time off. The CDC notes that even a few hours of respite a week can improve your well-being.

Put the whole schedule in one place everyone can see. The CDC suggests starting a shared online calendar where people schedule regular help. The NIA also suggests a shared calendar online or in a smartphone app to coordinate with other caregivers.

If you are the sibling carrying the most, see making room for yourself.

Try it for a month, then adjust#

Call the first schedule a trial. Run it for four weeks, then sit down together and talk about what worked.

The NIA recommends checking in regularly with the older person and the other caregivers to make sure the current arrangement is still working for everyone. It also recommends updating the plan for sharing tasks as circumstances change.

A simple monthly check-in could cover three questions:

• Which job felt too big or too small?
• Did anything fall through the cracks?
• What does Mom think of how it's going?

If your family hasn't had the bigger conversation yet, the first conversation about care doesn't have to be perfect.

Your next step: grab the free schedule worksheet in the Family Coordination Kit. Fill in your job list, size each job, and try your first schedule this month.