A Household Information Binder for Your Aging Parent

Why a household index matters before you need it#

If Mom were away for a week, would any of you know how her house runs? Which day is trash day? Where is the furnace filter? Who is the neighbor with the spare key?

Most of that lives in one person's head. That works until it doesn't. A household information index is a short, shared list of where things are and who to call.

Even when the chance of needing a backup is low, the Family Caregiver Alliance says it is a good idea to have relevant care information in one place and easy to reach. Their guidance is aimed at caregivers, but it fits a parent's home too.

Make it with your parent, not for them#

It's her house and her routines. The index works best when she helps build it.

The CDC advises beginning a care planning conversation with the person you care for. Its care plan steps start there. If you aren't sure how to open the topic, see the first conversation about care doesn't have to be perfect.

You can keep the pitch small: "If I had to cover for you for a week, what would I need to know?" Walk through the house together and let her tell you.

The National Institute on Aging notes that you don't have to discuss every personal matter, but someone you trust should know where to find your papers in an emergency. That idea is a good model here. Your parent decides how much to share.

What to include: the home, the services, the people, the routines#

Think of four short sections.

The home

• Where the main shut-offs, the breaker box and the furnace are
• Make and model of big appliances, and where the manuals are
• Where spare supplies are kept, such as light bulbs and furnace filters

The Family Caregiver Alliance's emergency checklist asks whether you know where your home's shut-off valves are. Note where they are. Ask a qualified professional about how to use them.

The services

• Utility companies and their customer service numbers
• Trusted plumber, electrician, heating and cooling company, lawn or snow help
• Trash and recycling days, and how bulk pickup works

The people

• Neighbors who have a key or keep an eye on the house
• A friend, faith community contact or landlord, if there is one
• An emergency contact who lives out of the area

The same checklist asks whether you have an emergency contact person who lives out of the area. It also asks whether you know your neighbors in case you need to help each other in an emergency.

The Family Caregiver Alliance suggests introducing yourself to a neighbor, landlord or local fire department as your family member's caregiver. A quick hello now is easier than a cold call later.

The routines

• Mail, newspaper and package habits
• Pets: feeding, vet name, who can step in
• Plants, bird feeders, the thermostat she likes
• Where spare keys are, and who holds them

This index covers the house, not health. For care needs, the CDC's care plan steps are a better place to start.

What to leave out: passwords and account numbers#

This index tells you where things are and who to call. It does not hold secrets. Leave out passwords, PINs, and bank or account numbers.

It's easier to share a list when nothing on it can be misused if it's lost or seen by the wrong person.

If your parent worries about passwords, the FTC notes that a web browser, mobile browser and password manager can all save passwords for you. Its advice on passwords is a good place to start. For legal or financial paperwork, go to a qualified professional.

Where to keep it and who can see it#

Choose a format your parent will actually use. The National Institute on Aging says you can set up a file, keep everything in a drawer, or list information and where papers are kept in a notebook.

A paper copy in a known spot at her house works well. A second copy for the family, on paper or in a shared document, helps when you live far away.

Agree on three things together:

• Who gets a copy (usually siblings or the one or two people most likely to step in)
• Where the paper copy lives
• Who is allowed to change it

If siblings are involved, a shared copy cuts down on "I didn't know" moments. It also takes some pressure off the person who usually does everything. That matters for you too. See making room for yourself.

Keeping it up to date#

Phone numbers change, contractors retire and neighbors move. An out-of-date index can be worse than none.

The National Institute on Aging says to review your plans at least once each year and after any major life event, such as a move or a change in health. The CDC likewise suggests updating a care plan every year.

Pick a date that's easy to remember, such as the weekend the clocks change. Name one person as the owner of the index. Their job is small: ask your parent what has changed, update the list and send the new copy around.

When you're ready to start, use the household-information index in the Family Coordination Kit. Fill in one section, even if it's only the trash day and the neighbor's number. A short list that exists beats a perfect one that doesn't.